My Five Reasons

Last week, I gave an assignment to some of the kids that I mentor.

It was a simple assignment, make me a list of five reasons to smile.

I thought it was going to be a simple, surface responses such as "I get to play my xbox everynight." But I was shocked by the heart felt, well thought through, emotional responses I got back. And then I got called out, because they watch my facebook page and my twitter and my blog. They know that no matter how much I tell them things will get better, that they'll get the people they need in their lives and learn who to let go,

I still struggle.

So this is for them, to show them that I can practice what I preach, that I'm not scared to let people know my shit anymore, and that even though things are hard sometimes for me, for every one bad thing that happens in my life,

I have five reasons to smile.

one

I'm alive. And I shouldn't be. Only the Lord knows how many nights I spent thinking of ways not to be. I've done so many things I'm not proud of, but one thing I am proud of is that I made it.

two

I have a newfound relationship with the Lord. Without Jesus Christ, I'd be a lost cause. His word is the most comforting thing in the world to me. I find my strength through him when I'm at my weakest.

three

I'm happy with myself. Yeah, I have days where I struggle with my body. Somedays I want to lose weight, somedays I want to gain weight. Somedays I love being super tall, somedays it's a pain in my ass. But the truth is, that I would never change my body. I love it, and it's what sets me apart from everyone else.

four

I'm smart. Lol everyone's gonna be like "Oh my gosh Kelsey is like sooo conceited." No. No. Shut the fuck up & listen. Through all the tears, sleepless nights, cuts, and fear I've endured, I've learned. I know how to spot a fake friend from miles away. I know who to trust and who not to nowadays, or so I think I do. I know now that it is better to have no friends than fake friends. I know now not to let people take me for granted because when it comes down to it, I'm a good person. I know now not to let any man push me around and belittle me. I know now exactly what I deserve, and I will never again settle for less than I deserve.

five

I have the perfect relationship. I absolutely, 100%, no doubt love my boyfriend. We laugh together. We (totally just me, but he's there when it happens) cry together. I never in my life could have imagined finding someone I have so much in common with. We have the exact same sense of humor. As he knows, I wouldn't be here today without him. He honestly saved my life. Looking back eight months ago, If someone would've told me I would be alive to see December 2011, I would've told them they're an idiot. I never thought I would come out of my depression. I thought my life was done. But little did I know, it's just starting. :)

I love you Isaac Matthew.

"I've got someone who loves me more than words can say & I'm thankful for that each and every day. & when I count all my blessings, I get a smile on my face. Still, it's hard to find faith.."