True Strength

I think the strongest people in the world are

those who can find it in their hearts to forgive others.

Think about it, how hard is it to forgive someone who hurt you?

How hard is it to forgive someone that made you cry?

How hard is it to forgive someone that broke your trust?

I'll answer that,

pretty fucking hard.

I struggle so much to forgive people every day. I'm the type of person that holds a grudge. If I had it my way, I'd hate everyone that hurt me, forever.

Yeah, a lot of people don't deserve to be forgiven. There's only so much shit a person should be allowed to get away with. But if you really think about it,

it's so much easier to hate someone than forgive them.

Forgiving takes courage.

Forgiving is hard.

When you take the time to really  forgive someone,

 it's fucking hard.

You have to go back through that pain, work yourself through it, and accept the fact that it happened. Forgiveness takes hours, days, even years. I think one thing people need to realize is that every thing that happened in their life had purpose. Every heartbreak, every sleepless night, every tear has its purpose. I know one thing, I would never have become as strong as I am today without every person in the world that has ever fucked me over, talked shit about me, or hurt my feelings. They may have thought they won,

 but I'm happy they hurt me.

 Every bad thing that anyone has ever done to me in my past has made me the person that I am today. It gave me the relationship I have today. It gave me the strength to live that I have today.

And even though I am happy, and I've come to realize how important these people were responsible for making me the person I am, and that I love, today, it's still hard for me to find it in my heart to forgive them.

So I really envy anyone out there that has the balls to forgive and come to terms with the people that hurt them in their life, because it's something I struggle with everyday.

"FORGIVE THEM, EVEN IF THEY'RE NOT SORRY."



My Five Reasons

Last week, I gave an assignment to some of the kids that I mentor.

It was a simple assignment, make me a list of five reasons to smile.

I thought it was going to be a simple, surface responses such as "I get to play my xbox everynight." But I was shocked by the heart felt, well thought through, emotional responses I got back. And then I got called out, because they watch my facebook page and my twitter and my blog. They know that no matter how much I tell them things will get better, that they'll get the people they need in their lives and learn who to let go,

I still struggle.

So this is for them, to show them that I can practice what I preach, that I'm not scared to let people know my shit anymore, and that even though things are hard sometimes for me, for every one bad thing that happens in my life,

I have five reasons to smile.

one

I'm alive. And I shouldn't be. Only the Lord knows how many nights I spent thinking of ways not to be. I've done so many things I'm not proud of, but one thing I am proud of is that I made it.

two

I have a newfound relationship with the Lord. Without Jesus Christ, I'd be a lost cause. His word is the most comforting thing in the world to me. I find my strength through him when I'm at my weakest.

three

I'm happy with myself. Yeah, I have days where I struggle with my body. Somedays I want to lose weight, somedays I want to gain weight. Somedays I love being super tall, somedays it's a pain in my ass. But the truth is, that I would never change my body. I love it, and it's what sets me apart from everyone else.

four

I'm smart. Lol everyone's gonna be like "Oh my gosh Kelsey is like sooo conceited." No. No. Shut the fuck up & listen. Through all the tears, sleepless nights, cuts, and fear I've endured, I've learned. I know how to spot a fake friend from miles away. I know who to trust and who not to nowadays, or so I think I do. I know now that it is better to have no friends than fake friends. I know now not to let people take me for granted because when it comes down to it, I'm a good person. I know now not to let any man push me around and belittle me. I know now exactly what I deserve, and I will never again settle for less than I deserve.

five

I have the perfect relationship. I absolutely, 100%, no doubt love my boyfriend. We laugh together. We (totally just me, but he's there when it happens) cry together. I never in my life could have imagined finding someone I have so much in common with. We have the exact same sense of humor. As he knows, I wouldn't be here today without him. He honestly saved my life. Looking back eight months ago, If someone would've told me I would be alive to see December 2011, I would've told them they're an idiot. I never thought I would come out of my depression. I thought my life was done. But little did I know, it's just starting. :)

I love you Isaac Matthew.

"I've got someone who loves me more than words can say & I'm thankful for that each and every day. & when I count all my blessings, I get a smile on my face. Still, it's hard to find faith.."